


I won't sleep tonight

by yourbluemay



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, M/M, Sadness??, Smut, larry - Freeform, versatileness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 02:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3673890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourbluemay/pseuds/yourbluemay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has a chronic neurological disorder, and Louis has intense emotional problems; this is the time where they met, caused destruction and unbelievably fixed each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> !!!!! Gonna start of by saying that 'mordant' was my account, I thought I lost this account because I couldn't figure out the password, and then I saw the 'forgot your pass.." shit and so yeah, I got it back. :) !!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> Hey! I'm back with a new story. I was going to finish 'I found the beat.." but I somehow ended writing this one and I wanted to share it with you guys. I'm going to finish my last fic, I promise, I just couldn't find the right material yet, if you know what I mean. Hahaha. Anyways, Enjoy! 
> 
> Just realized that I don't do trigger warnings, and that's really bad so here's one.
> 
> Trigger Warning; The main characters are always sad and they think about a lot of sad things but they're happy, kinda. Wouldn't wanna call it depression though. That's mainly it, I think. 
> 
>  
> 
> Harry's character is kinda based on River Phoenix's character in My Own Private Idaho, they both suffer the same disorder and they have the same job but they're personalities are a bit different, I guess? I don't know really, if you watched that movie, then you can just see for yourself if there's any resemblance.

The most frustrating thing about waking up from a long, deep and dark sleep is waking up. Still alive, breathing and surprisingly intact in an unknown place with the company of a headache and an empty wallet.

He got up and the damp grass made a mark on his jeans. Some of the dirt was under his nails and he's got an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. The sun was beginning to rise and he's in the middle of a park, and there's still an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.

The almost broken light sign turned on and it said "Niall's Delicious Diner"  
And he knows Niall. He haven't got any money on him but he knows Niall. He did a huge favor for him back then so its just morally right if he gave Harry something to cure the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.

He slowly went inside and the diner's chimes chimed as the door swung open. There wasn't a single soul inside except the waitress chewing her possibly enormous gum, counting the money on the register and looking at Harry as if he couldn't afford to eat here- which was half true. He was wearing a black band shirt, his trusty brown jacket and ripped jeans, and all of the sorts were dirty from sleeping in the park, he probably aired out an unpleasant aura because of his get-up.

It was a wealthy neighborhood and he only realized that when he peeped through the window. He didn't know Niall was doing business in this kind of neighborhood. It was impressive, he thought.

He couldn't even remember how he got there. He just knew that he got into a cab or maybe someone's car and that was it.

 

"Harry?"

He couldn't hide the smile that was forming in his face. If Harry was made to choose what his best feature was, he would hands down say its his impeccable hearing ability. He knows the voice to any face. He never forgets. Even if he has woken up in a different time and place with amnesia, he'd still remember. That's how confident he is with his special little talent.

"Niall!"

He was an old friend, and this was the first time in years since they've seen each other. People from home used to call them Bonnie and Clyde. They got the nicknames because its the only thing the town's cinema was showing, the movie. And the townspeople weirdly _saw_ a resemblance. They robbed and fucked and robbed and fucked. They occasionally have arguments but that's just trivial things about who is the Bonnie and who is the Clyde between them.

 

"Are you still on probation or did you actually set your life straight?"

"Not on probation, but I couldn't exactly tell you that my life isn't curvy."

The waitress brought two cups of coffee and a plate of bacon and eggs.

Harry wasted no time and ate like it was his last meal.

"I'm into the modeling world now."

And it looked ironic and morbid with all the food he's stuffing in his mouth, and trying to pose like a model with diarrhea.

Niall's eyes widened and held Harry's greasy hands.

"Aren't you supposed to watch your weight?"

"The only thing they own from me is my face and reputation. The body that is attached to my being is my own, its copyrighted."

"And you're face and reputation isn't?"

"Niall, can you cut me some slack? I woke up in the middle of the park and I just want to eat my bacon. And your diner has a weird name."

Harry continued to eat in silence with Niall's eyes never leaving his face and probably judging his every bite.

"That's free because of me, remember that Harry. _Always_ remember that."

 

"I know. You don't have to rub it in!"  
Niall was refreshing and he felt relief seeing his old friend. For a couple of weeks, he was feeling down and alone because his partner passed away from overdose. He wanted to help so much but he knew they had boundaries over that kind of stuff. He wasn't his mother, he was a friend. And so all he can do was watch as his friend slowly die from meth. There were times where he thought if he tried just once, he would understand why his friend was so addicted to it, or why everyone else in the quarter was. But Harry was scared. He cried holding his friend's hand until he fell asleep on the floor of their room. He didn't know it was gonna be the last time he would feel the warmth of his presence.

 

"Still living in the quarter?" Niall asked, scooping some of the eggs in his sweaty hand.

"Nah. Moved away 2 days ago, wanted to start a new chapter of me life."

He made proclamations like that on a basis, saying it as if he could actually do it. But by the end of the week, he would usually go back running to the quarter, and staying there again for 3 months until he makes another pretentious proclamation.

 

"What? But you love the quarter! And Ben, Nick and Joey were there! They took care of you right?!"

"Ben died." Harry said, casually, sipping his coffee, that was lukewarm by now.

"Wha-What? Why?!?"

"You know why. Everybody knows why. Say 'Ben died." to someone in our area, they would automatically know why."

He would surely miss Thessa from the bakery 3 blocks away from the quarter. Everytime he goes there for a cleaning job, she would make sure to pack him some pastries that would last almost a week. It was great because it helped him saved up. He wouldn't forget about Nick and Joey too. Surely he owed them both a huge apology and a thank you, but he wasn't able to give it to them.

 

"I'm sorry, I know he was your closest friend there. Shit, Harry, how the fuck are you really?"

That little glint in Niall's eyes was always the indicator Harry used if he was about to cry. He can't take any crying anymore. It was early in the morning, and he just want to start the day with anything but tears.

"Of course I am! That's why I'm here. I'm moving, and stepping out of my comfort zone. It's been two days and I haven't had the urge to go back to the quarter so that's new!"

"Yes, I know but-"

"I really am _fine_ , and I would tell you if I'm not, I promise."

"How about Nick and Joey? Will they be okay? I mean, they're men and they can handle it but I just want to be su-"

"They are happy and okay. You don't have to worry about anyt-"

"You, you still have that _thing?_ "

That _thing._ Harry was surprised it still haven't occurred especially because of the way the conversation is being executed. Its been a myriad of sentences cutting off and weird hand gestures. He was astonished that he lasted longer.

Niall continued to mention his condition, and how he needs a specialist to get checked and all sorts of responsibilities he couldn't take by himself.

 

Flashes of light suddenly engulfed his sight.  
Like a camera flash and the blinding lights of cars in the night. He tried covering his eyes with his hands but it was coming through them like he was a spirit. An entity without the body.

It was the same face again, haunting him in this moments where he doesn't exactly know where he is. But he knows this is the beginning, to the most painful journey he always goes through. And as much as he wants to say that he's used to it, it always will feel like he's being forced into the water, pushed to his limits or being kept in a box.

He tried to make his way out, reaching for someone above, raising his hands, pulling his way through, but the struggling does nothing but tire him out. And its all black again.

But that face. _that_ awful, terrifying face. He won't forget that. Even without the voice, he'd remember it.

 

Then he will wake up. Somewhere, with or without someone. He'd know he is alive. And that always brings him down because it was peaceful being asleep, after the frightening things, of course, when its all pitch black.

 

"I'll take you to the hospital."

"Why? I'm fine. I just.. drifted. I do that sometimes remember?"

"I know. But you told me, it was cured."

Harry laughed but they both know that is wasn't genuine. Cure wasn't possible. Help was. A lot of friends back in the quarter offered their help but he was too much of a coward to accept any of it. He was afraid because when the time comes, and he had to give the same amount of help the people gave him, it might not be enough.

"I thought it was. It happens often now, several times a day. Like I try to not think of things that would cause me to drown, but the water keeps crashing and trying to go inside me, making me burst. It's harder to control now. Even the smallest of things gets me heated. But I'll be okay. I just need to air it out."

 

"I know you say things lightly, and you always speak in metaphors and that always makes me happy because it means you're still here, thinking. But I don't want to see you suffer again. Even if it was just a minute of shaking and screaming and after that you suddenly freeze and fall sleep, it still scared the fuck out of me. And I care about you, this is the first time we've seen each other for years, and I want to make up for all the times lost. So let me do this please."

He nodded, stood up and let Niall lead him to the back door and into his car.

 

He felt sad for a moment because this was the feeling he had missed for years, all because of his stupidity and cowardice.

 

...

 

_"Harry! You have someone here for you."_

_He wore his brown jacket, and put on his boots. He quickly styled his hair and sprayed a random perfume that was on the floor._

_He slapped his face twice, one on the left, one on the right. Drank energy juice, and ate a spoonful of hot pepper sauce. He knew it was a wrong idea once he got the tip of his tongue taste its sordidness. He rushed to the bathroom, gargled the foul leftover and brushed his teeth eagerly._

_"Stay awake, stay awake, stay awake."_

_He was chanting it under his breath like a sort of mantra, and he does it every time he was asked to come out._

_He walked down the stairs, and almost tripped on the last step._

_"Careful! Wouldn't want a bruised face."_

_Another stranger, carrying his briefcase with a smug face and possibly a wallet full of cash and cards. That thought perked Harry up._

_"Sorry, I literally just woke up. Did you wait long?'_

_"No honey, come on now, can't wait for tonight."_

_The stranger grabbed a hold of his hips and led him out. On the way, Nick nodded at him, but he knew that really meant "stay safe. don't do anything stupid." Harry smiled but that actually meant, "good bye, see you if i see you."_

_The stranger kept telling Harry about the hotel they were going to have sex in, he said it had a big king size bed and great hotel service. And Harry could get whatever he wants. He doesn't really care. All he was thinking about was how he would get out of the car, and ditch the snob._

_He thought about the clothes he packed, how was he going to go back to get them. And also the letters he thought he could write, but miserably failed to. And where he would go, and what life would want him to do._

_He thought, and he thought and he thought and then he felt a thud in his head. And the smell of fresh grass, and the muddy earth. And then the cursing snobby guy, getting into his car, turning on his engine and shouting to the night sky, 'what a fucking waste.'_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He was nowhere to be seen in the waiting room, and Harry was completely devastated because the guy got him interested. Don't get him wrong, Harry gets interested to a lot of stuff but rarely towards an actual human being._
> 
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> Harry and Louis meet, and Harry _surprisingly_ falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Chapter 2.  
> Same trigger warnings apply, and forgive me for the typos, if there are any, I just am really bad at proofreading, I think I need someone to do it for me. Lol. Anyways, Enjoy!

The drive to the doctor Niall suggested was short. Just a couple of turns and intersections, they made it in 20 minutes.  
Niall never stopped talking about the neighborhood his diner was in during the drive and on the way to the hospital.  
He said the only time the diner was packed was during 3-7 am in the morning on Fridays and weekends. Harry asked him why he built it there in the first place, and he just simply shrugged. 

"One time, this dude came in and threw up all over the floor! Fuck, it was so disgusting, I couldn't eat any thing that week because it kept flashing in my mind! I had to clean it all up because Bruce refused to and as if I can make Mindy do it." 

 

Harry was staring at the pamphlets that was on the magazine rack beside the seats. The office was spacious, and it had carpeted floors and air conditioning. The receptionist looked as bored as the waitress (Mindy probably was her name) in Niall's diner. Harry would've killed for a job that easy and still get paid a normal wage. 

 

"Oh shit, I forgot to ask for an appointment. I think we have to book it in advance, but I'll try to squeeze you in, I know the receptionist." 

 

Niall disturbingly winked, stood up and started talking to the guy inside the little room with the window. 

 

"Come on Liam, he needs to see the doctor. Just a few minutes so he could give him medication."

 

"What's the problem? Is this a sprain again? Niall, I already told you the basics, Dr. Holt doesn't need to treat those kinds of patients..."

 

Harry stared at the paintings hung on the wall. It was bizarre to have paintings in a hospital for him. He thinks that there was no time to appreciate the art. Because you're either nervous for yourself, or nervous for others. If you're neither, then congratulations, you manage to not care. That was his mentality. There were also posters of what cigarettes could do to your body, and healthy eating habits and how to do the heimlich. On the very end of the heimlich process, the guy who needed it was sporting a thumbs up and someone drew on his teeth that made it look like he had gaps. 

Niall and Liam were still talking but it wasn't about the appointment, but about the new receptionist after Liam's shift. Niall said she was hot and Liam never bothered to wait for her when his shift was over so he never got the chance to check out her face.

Next thing Harry knows is he was staring at Niall's nostrils because it gets incredibly large when he's laughing, and then Liam's voice started to drift away, as Harry goes through another episode. 

__

_It was dark again, and he felt like he was floating. He tried to pry his eyes open, it didn't, physically but mentally, maybe because the darkness was gone and he could see an open road. An empty, gloomy road that leads to somewhere darker and gloomier perhaps. He was floating and floating, and he was waiting for it. The face. He was anticipating it, trying to be brave so he could get a good look and see if it was someone he could picture out in real life._

_He waited for a while, and he tried to look beyond the road, but it was so black and his eyes could weren't compatible to the darkness. But the road suddenly disappeared, and he knew what's next._

_It was slowly forming. The head, the structure. It was there, the jaw, the cheekbones. The thick eyebrows, and the eyes. It was still blurry but he can clearly see the color. It was a beautiful color of--_

__

"The fuck are you sleeping here for mate?" 

And it snapped him out. A tingly, high voice of a man, he presumes, that was standing in front of him. 

 

"It's not like I had a choice." Harry said, wiping the saliva on the corner of his mouth.

The guy just looked at him funny with one eyebrow raised just like any other person that had discovered him sleeping in the most unconventional places like in a stranger's swimming pool or in a kindergarten classroom. The only difference now is he wasn't really in an unconventional place, and lots of normal people fall asleep waiting for an appointment. 

 

"Harry! Come on, its your turn!" 

 

He wanted to give the guy one last look but when he checked if he was still there, he was gone. 

 

 

...

 

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Styles."

 

Dr. Holt was tall, bulky and had lots of hair for a man his age. He seemed nice, and sweet but all doctors looked like that. It's their strategy to lure patients in and make them feel good despite their energy-sucking illness.

 

"So, what seems to be the problem?"

Niall was holding his hand, and to the doctor they may have looked like a married couple who was announcing that they want to have a baby.

"I sleep a lot." Harry said, and the Dr. Holt nodded in response.

"Okay, how much is a lot? How many hours per day?"

"I can't really estimate it but it happens more than once in a day. Like I don't know how long it usually lasts. I feel myself drift away like everything suddenly blacks out. And I don't remember anything after I wake up. I know what I'm doing when I'm asleep but like when we have dreams, we forget them the moment we wake up right? Its like that with me too."

 

Dr. Holt just nodded and scribbled something on his clipboard. 

'He did it again, a while ago. And also when I was talking to Liam."  
Niall said.

"Does it occur often during daytime?'

"Yes." Harry answered, scrunching his nose because he felt an ich. 

 

"Right, I suppose you don't have a record in my hospital yet? Seems like this is the first time I've met you so we need to start from the beginning before I could diagnose you. Basically, we need to check your clinical evaluation which includes your medical history and physical examination. Um, also we have questionnaires you need to fill up that um, can confirm your symptoms, there are also sleep logs and diaries you need to do and sleep laboratory tests."

"That is a lot of things to do." Niall said, looking at Harry with a pitiful look.

"I know its a lot but since he doesn't really have any records or past physicians that have treated him that I could talk to then I couldn't give him medication. Are you sure he doesn't have any?"

Niall looked like he was thinking hard and something lit up when he was staring at Dr. Holt's name pin.

 

"Oh- y-yeah! Your wife." 

 

"Um, what about my wife?"

 

Harry furrowed his eyebrows and slapped Niall's hand that was tightly clutching his right shoulder.

 

"Your wife was Harry's doctor back then. I remember because our neighborhood used to be the one beside this neighborhood, and his sister used to take him here with me because he was always scared to go."

"How did I not know of this?"

"Well, you were young, and you occupied your mind with random shit all the time so I don't know." 

 

Dr. Holt stood up and laughed.

 

"That's good but I would assume that was from a long time ago? My wife- my ex wife that is, already stopped practicing and Harry is older now so we still need new records."

 

They kept talking like Harry was a child and Niall was the parent, and it should annoy him but he just let it slide because Niall seems to be enjoying the role. 

 

"I would set an appointment for Harry tomorrow, for his clinical evaluation and to answer some questionnaires. And then I'll set up another date for his lab tests. In the meanwhile, he could start with his logs."

"What does he have to do?"

Niall tapped his shoulders and told him to listen so he doesn't need to repeat it. 

"You have to record your usual sleep patterns; sleep deprivation, irregular sleep-wake pattern and interrupted sleep, alcohol and/or drug used because there are specific vices that can worsen your sleep pattern and also common behaviors that causes you to lose sleep." 

 

Niall and Dr. Holt shook hands, Niall made Harry hug the doctor and so he did. They said their goodbyes, see yous and thank yous and got out of the room.

 

Harry quickly ran up to Niall and whispered;

"Who's gonna pay for those things I've to do? Niall, I don't have money, I don't need med-"

"I got you, okay? I said I'm gonna make up to you, so I got it."

 

Harry wasn't gonna lie but he didn't feel okay entirely with the set up. He wants to contribute to his own well being, of course, but what can he offer. He has a disease or a disorder or whatever, he was a burden but he doesn't want to dramatize it so much. Because he knows that if he did, it would be more difficult to accept it. 

 

As they were exiting the building, Harry looked for _the guy_ so he can see and remember the face of the high pitched voice that woke him up. 

 

He was nowhere to be seen in the waiting room, and Harry was completely devastated because the guy got him interested. Don't get him wrong, Harry gets interested to a lot of stuff but rarely towards an actual human being.

 

Harry opened the front door, and he was immediately assaulted with layers of smoke. Liam and the guy who woke him up were sitting on the curb, smoking and playing scrabble. 

 

"Hey, Niall's friend! Wanna play with us?" 

All Harry could do was stare at the guy who woke him up and how his lips were puckering up for the cigarette. 

"Liam, I thought you said you didn't smoke!" 

Niall hugged Harry from behind, and pouted.

"I don't. I just do when me and Louis play scrabble. It helps us think."

"It actually does. This could be a good thesis." 

_Louis._

He spoke again, and again and Harry just watched him, and not realizing that he was getting creepy until Niall whispered _'dude i want to be friends with louis, stop embarrassing me'_

 

"I, um-I-I'm Harry, and I'm 19."

 

"Nobody asked." Louis said, lighting up another fag and placing the word flaccid on the board. 

"He's kidding, Harry. He's always temperamental, don't mind him. Its just medical school messing up his brain." 

 

"You go to medical school?" Niall asked, squatting in front of them, and peeping on both Louis' and Liam's letters. 

"Yep, 3 more years and I'm out. Can't _fucking_ wait." 

 

They spent the whole afternoon there, and Harry probably fell asleep, all he could remember was the faint smell of Chinese food, Louis cursing, Niall's laugh, the loud scrabble blocks and Louis cursing. When he woke up, he was being carried by Liam inside Niall's car and he could fuzzily hear Louis' voice.

 

"So, he has a thing for sleeping in awkward positions in awkward places huh? How erratic." 

 

Great, Harry thought. Now Louis thinks he's nothing but an awkward, weird person that he shouldn't hang out with or go to dates with or kiss or shag. 

"Greaaaaaaaatttttttttt." Harry said, in his sleepy, deep throaty voice. 

 

"What's that?" Liam asked. 

 

"Probably the frogs, lots of 'em there in the pond, can't believe we could actually fucking hear 'em from 'ere. Told the neighborhood council to drain the fucking po-"

His voice was gone, and Harry went back to sleep. He could now officially start a list of things he knows about Louis. He hates frogs, and he loves to curse. He has blue eyes, and he smokes a lot of Camel. He loves the word flaccid so much that he used it 3 times in the game, even with Liam's constant nags. He's at medical school, and 3 more years then he's out which he can be 25 or younger or _older_. And most importantly, he thinks Harry's erratic. 

 

No one's ever called him erratic before, it's new and foreign, and it felt like a compliment. Even though it probably wasn't, he's safe in his own mind anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Comments and Kudos are reallllly reallly appreciated!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"You do look like a corpse when you're asleep. Makes me want to open you up, and scrape your insides out."_
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> _Harry was supposed to be mortified with that comment but he was supposed to feel and do a lot of things and yet he doesn't._
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> Harry doesn't have a thing for Louis, he just likes staring at him, mostly from a distance and Louis is just Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 3. 
> 
> Trigger warnings: Sad human beings, mentions of past sex work.

"Pal, have you done it yet?"  
He woke up with Niall's breath blowing his face and his weight crushing Harry's ribs.

"I couldn't with- c-considering our current position."  
Niall kissed his forehead, and jumped out of the bed. 

He was literally leeching off of Niall's wealth. Being an owner of two weird named diners really gave him a nice life. At 23, he already managed this much, what would he be when he's 30, and Harry couldn't even imagine beyond that anymore. 

"Do you know where I can get a job? Something that doesn't involve long work hours, standing up or having sex for money please." 

He wasn't ashamed of what he used to do, it was only 3 days ago, and Niall knew all about it when they met a couple of years ago in that area. He was looking for up and coming neighborhoods to put up the restaurant and they accidentally bumped into each other when Harry was being pulled into man's car. 

It was a quick 'how are yous' and that was it. They never really got to talk and Harry wasn't in the mood to explain the whole thing he's doing to a childhood friend he hadn't seen in years with a boner. 

"Shouldn't you wait until you have your prescription meds? It'll help, and besides, I'm not asking for my money back. You don't need to pay it off. And what about the modelling job you told me about?" 

That would be music to his ears if you have traveled back in time and said it 17 year old Harry, but he was 19 now, almost 20, he needs something that would make something out of him. Not literally.

"That's not what I'm trying to achieve. And even if I do come up with the money, you wouldn't accept it anyway. I just want to do something. I said I'm trying to start a new chapter, and its almost the end of the week, and I still don't feel like going back to the quarter. And the modelling job doesn't exist."

"Damn right I won't. Its still 3 more days till the end of the week, and you already did start a new chapter the moment you decided to walk out of the quarter and somehow magically ended up here. And I fucking knew that job didn't! Shit I called it." 

Niall was right. Harry lived in the quarter for 10 years, and it just took him now, to gather up the courage and leave everything behind. He still haven't decided when to return to get his things, but he's unsure whether to even go back, because once he's there, he knows he can be persuaded to stay. He doesn't want that to happen, and he's starting to like his life here. 

"Can you please just help me? I'm sure you know someone who could hook me up?" 

"You sound like you're asking for weed, and yes I do know someone. By the way, you need new clothes. Those need an intense wash. And you have an appointment today."

Niall clapped and spun around the bedroom. 

"Yeah, second to the last day I get to see Louis." 

He stood up and put on his t-shirt and strutted to the kitchen.

"It's a tight knit town Harry, everyone basically sees everyone all the time. Don't worry, you'll still see him. I didn't know you had a thing for him." 

 

"I don't. I just like staring at him." 

"That's creepy, Harry. Having a thing for him is better." 

"I already have a _thing_ , I don't think I need one more." 

Harry poured coffee in his mug, and drank it straight up.  
He wasn't supposed to have coffee or nicotine in his system, but he's a rebel, he still drinks coffee and hangs out with nicotine-induced Louis. And by 'hang out', he means staring at him from a distance and falling asleep, and constantly being carried by Liam. 

...

Louis was already outside the building, holding up a sign that says _''m doing diz bc i stole a bottle of aspirin in dr. h's medcine cbinet'_

 

"Should we even ask?" 

Louis was wearing his eyeglasses today, and his hair down. Harry was staring again.

"He's one of my professors in med school and he caught me a while ago in his office, and I just needed two 'cause of my terrible hangover and yet he still twisted my words and made me do this. If I didn't care about my grade, I would've gotten everything from his cabinet, flush it all down the toilet and replace it all with saliva coated tictacs." 

"That's kinda harsh, Louis. He is your _father._ " 

That was supposed to surprise Harry but he doesn't want to seem too interested so he just shrugged it off. Although Louis Holt sounded kinda off.

" _Step._ Don't forget that. His blood will never flow through my veins except if he forced me to drink his."

And the conversation started to swerve to blood and arteries and Louis casually storytelling the time he dissected a human corpse. 

 

"Hey, sleepyhead. You're not gonna doze off and make Liam carry you again, are you? He's buff on the outside but fragile on the inside, if he snapped, I'm not gonna be there to take his place. If you're gonna sleep on us again, better find out a way to carry yourself to the car." 

And then he walked off, like a girl from the boxing ring, holding up the placards for the rounds. 

"What are we doing later?" 

"I think we're gonna hang out in his flat. He said he bought a new TV bigger than his ego so that should be nice." 

 

They started to walk towards the building, and headed directly to Dr. Holt's office. 

It was series of tests here and there, a PSG and a MSLT. And Harry couldn't wait for it to be finished.

 

He slowly started getting flashbacks when he was being tested. He definitely experienced this before, he was so scared, and he cried all throughout. And Gemma was there, crying with him but trying to keep her smile and words of encouragement. And Niall was just looking, staring and wondering what was happening. 

 

"The test results will come 2 days after today, your meds will be ready by then so we could start you immediately. Um, have you been updating your logs?"

"Yes, do I need to bring them after 2 days?" 

"That would be great, we need those too for future records and such. Thank you for today, Harry. You were brave."

 

...

 

"Isn't it nice lads? Spent all of my extra money for it, and I couldn't be happier with my decision." 

Louis' flat was messy but it was him. The smell, the colors and even the furniture, you could clearly tell it was all him. Its only been 2-3 days since he met him and yet here Harry was, acting as if he'd known him forever.

"What the fuck Liam, stay out of my room!" 

Liam was snooping around, and trying to look for things that could embarrass Louis, and its amazing how his mood could change from proud to mad in a matter of seconds. 

After successfully tying Liam to the sofa, and Niall distracted with the on going football game, Louis retreated to the kitchen to get some beer. 

A few minutes later he came with back with four, two on each tiny hand. 

"Are you allowed to drink beer? Or is it going to complicate the meds?" 

So Louis probably knows about his _thing_ , considering the fact that Harry's doctor is his dad and he falls asleep all the time, he doesn't really see the relevance of hiding it from him anymore.

"I don't know if I'm allowed to, I never really asked. Um-I Oh right, I can't have caffeine or nicotine, I think. And I'm supposed to keep track when I drink alcohol? And I'm not on meds yet so.."

"So... you _can_ drink? One bottle wouldn't hurt, I guess." 

Louis handed him the beer, and he drank it because it was his first alcohol for the week, and he usually doesn't go that long without it in his system. 

"Woah, slow down, sleepyhead. You've got all the time in the world." 

"No, time cheats on me. I need to win over it sometimes, but I think I always fail." 

Louis chuckled and Harry got a glimpsed of his pearly whites.

"Huh, Niall was right. You do blurt out a lot of shit in metaphors. It's cool though, you can be a writer, a poet." 

"Yeah, and my internal affliction can be my inability to control my sleep-wake cycles. It'd be great, I would be full of angst." 

"Angst-y, you are. Always quiet, staring at the distance, as if you were calculating the days we have left here on earth. It's amazing." 

And Harry was supposed to say something witty back. Something that would blow Louis' mind away and make him swoon over Harry, but fuck this, time fucked him up again.

 

__  
He was being pushed today. A different sensation. He was being stuffed inside a box with no holes, and its slowly morphing, smaller and smaller, and he can't breathe. There was static in his ears, and this the first time for years since he heard something in his sleep.  
Usually it was just the hallucinations, and darkness but the static was getting louder and louder. 

_And then a shriek. He fell down, he felt it. He was in a room, with white walls, and white floors. He was wearing white, and he had white hair and white irises. He was white all over, and a splatter of red was in the middle of the room. He approached it, but it wanted to be chased. He caught it, and he suddenly had the desire to touch it, paint it all over his body, and face. He did, but the red turned black, and everything else turned black. It was darkness again, and somebody was humming._

_In that white room, it felt like he was there for hours, trying to reach out to the red in the middle, but it kept going far away and away and away, and smearing it all over his body but it kept turning black, and black and black and then somebody was humming.  
_

 

"You do look like a corpse when you're asleep. Makes me want to open you up, and scrape your insides out." 

Harry was supposed to be mortified with that comment but he was supposed to feel and do a lot of things and yet he doesn't. 

'Fell asleep again, what's new?"  
He just realized that he was resting his head on Louis' lap when he felt the soft thighs underneath his head. He quickly got up and apologized.

"You better be sorry, my thighs cramped up because of your heavy head." 

Niall and Liam were asleep on the floor, and both clutching beers in their hands.

"How long was I asleep?" 

Harry asked, fixing his hair that sagged down. 

"Eh, about 20-30 mins I guess? Not sure, was watching the game, and the the two fell asleep and yeah, I didn't really care." 

"I'm sorry again, I'm a nuisance." 

Louis stood up, and kicked the two boys' stomach.

"Yeah you are. Hey! Its cold and you might get sick. Get the fuck up and sleep in the guest room."

The two just squirmed and whined, and that probably made Louis' blood boil even more. Because they all know Louis' blood is _always_ boiling.

"If you don't get up in 5 seconds, I'm going to toss your bodies out of the window, and I would make sure that your clothes aren't included." 

Niall and Liam both got up and headed to the guest room, which left Harry and Louis alone.. 

"How's school?"  
And that's such a lame question, Harry thought.

"Tiring and boring. Like any other day, really."

Harry nodded and he didn't have a follow up question because he thought Louis would ask a question back. This is why he should never assume, because now, Harry is just staring at the floor while Louis keeps himself busy by cleaning up and _actually_ not caring.

"So you're sleeping habits? How did that come about about?" Louis asked, as he went to the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of water.

He tossed one to Harry.

"I don't know, to be honest. It just happened? I guess we thought it would just go away, because I knew I was on meds when I was kid, but I stopped because I thought I could handle it and that it would pass. But I guess it didn't."

 

"That is sad."  
He sympathized him, and it didn't feel good but at least it was something.

"Actually, um, do you know where I can get a job? Or like an opening somewhere? Because I really feel useless right now, and I need something that would give me a purpose." 

 

That was deep, and Harry always say things like those lightly. Use words that were meant to be said in dark rooms, and empty alleyways and turn them into casual conversation starters or icebreakers.

"Oh, that's great of you to offer yourself. I do have something. Although, it does need two important things." 

"What are those?"

"The two p's"

"Penis and plowing?" 

"Why would it be plowing? No, its neither of those. Its patience and perseverance."

"What, is it like a nudist or something?"

"No, why would I need a nudist?"

"I don't know what you do during your free time." 

"This _is_ my free time, you dickhead."  
They both laughed. 

"Its a job that requires someone who could stand the smell of stale paper and tainted wood."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Leave a comment and kudos if you want to. ;)


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